perfect

I started my very first blog in 2007, age 15 with MSN messenger. I can’t even remember the topics I would debate, but gosh it was glamorous. Sparkling images and gifs everywhere. I would spent so much time working on it, like my whole life depended on it. Like the whole world would want to read it, waiting impatiently for my next post. It had to be the most amazing creation that humans would ever create. Beautiful. No, what am I saying. My blog had to be PERFECT.

It didn’t take me long, unfortunately, to realise that perfect doesn’t exist. It was just a utopian goal I pinned on my brain and I slowly let it go, disappointment after disappointment. And so there have been many years of not sending emails, because “I’ll do it when the whole thing reads better”. Not applying for jobs because my CV wasn’t appropriate enough. Not reaching out to old friends, hiding behind this idea that my lack of perfection was the reason why they wouldn’t reach out to me instead. So why would they care? And if my old friends don’t care, why would strangers even read my blog.

It only took me 15 years to start it again, just now. And yes, there are too many comas and - literally - a vomit of words. This way it’s more realistic, though. This is how thoughts flow in my head.

I’m sorry if it’s not perfect.